Lost Frenchman survives 35 days on wood, clay

I can't even count all the different ways I want to comment on this:
http://www.newsletters.newsweek.msnbc.com/id/6858012/

48-year-old described as 'weak' after ordeal in southern France

OK. First off, aren't all frenchmen 'weak'? Why is this newsworthy?

Jean-Luc Josuat-Verges, 48, told French newspapers he had gone to the deserted caves at Madiran in the Pyrenees in December seeking isolation during a spell of depression which had left him considering suicide.

1. Wouldn't it be embarrassing if 'Jean-Luc' and 'Michelle' were the manliest names you can come up with?


2. If he went to the caves to go kill himself, why did go to such great lengths (eating clay) to save his own life?


3. If he had a spine at all, he'd shoot himself. But we all know the french inability to handle weapons. Is this how your typical frog kills himself? Wandering around until he collapses of starvation? Useless people.

His abandoned car was found 35 days later by three children who were not at school because their teachers were on strike.

french authorities are unable to contain the thousands of 'rabid' children running amok across the french countryside. Commented one police officer, "Despite the fact that they are half my size and unarmed, I am terrified of them. They might bite me or make fun of me."